OBSERVATION VS ACCUSATION, INTERPRETATIONS

“The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence.” – J. Krishnamurti

Observation Definition: The action or process of closely observing or monitoring something or someone.
Judgment Definition: Forming an opinion or conclusion about.
Interpretation Definition: Adding a meaning to (information or actions).

From the above definitions one can see that observing is a non-invasive form of communication.

It requires all the fundamentals of communication:
Presence
Attention and
Intention.

Judging, evaluating, and interpreting on the other hand, require internalizing what is being heard and then adding to the communication that was heard, based on personal perception and background.

It is literally impossible not to automatically judge, evaluate, interpret as our brain is designed to view all information based on its past programming to evaluate and assess whether something is safe for you to engage in or not.
That said, you can learn to observe this tendency of the brain as simply what it is and not obey it, not allow it to influence your listening and communication.
That requires observation of what is said and your own reaction to it as well as monitoring your tendencies to respond based on these automatic internal workings.

Practicing observation in communication is a dual practice. On one hand is what has been described above, on the other hand it is also the act of communicating what is observed vs. communicating the evaluation, interpretation, or judgment of what is observed.

To make it clear:
a. As to respond to something that was said: To observe the communication and to learn to distinguish what is being communicated (feelings, needs, and overall communication) while monitoring the other person’s and our own tendency to judge, evaluate and interpret,
and
b. Not as a response to something that was said – During a ‘fresh’ communication: To communicate our observations without also communicating our judgments, evaluations, and interpretations.

When we judge or evaluate or interpret, positively or negatively, we are in fact trying to communicate something that is of importance to us – feelings and needs. So, we could say that judgments/ evaluation and interpretations though not true, usually contain a piece of truth.

We can re-contextualize our judgments and mindfully translate them into feelings and needs. When we can do that, we grow in our awareness to know what is really going on within us, but also in our mastery of communicating non- violently and thus being heard.

Click below to play the interactive game and deepen your understanding of the distinction: